SULTIMZHAMSO
Family experience. . .
My family experience was based on closeness and mutual understanding. Despite the difficulties associated with moving to another country, my family supported me. Leaving my homeland and starting a new life in the U.S. was both a challenging and inspiring step. The difficulty lay in adapting to a new society, culture, and language while preserving my roots and values. Fortunately, I have relatives and friends here who help me cope with these challenges. While I cannot say that I have achieved success or common goals yet, their support makes the adaptation process a bit easier.
We also try to maintain our traditions, which helps us feel connected to home. For example, we celebrate our national holidays together and prepare traditional dishes. Soon, we will be celebrating the Lunar New Year. It is a special time when the whole family gathers together, cooks traditional food, decorates the house, and reminisces about past celebrations. These moments help us feel warmth and closeness, even while being far from our homeland.
Letting go. . .
Ai realized the importance of letting go and granting freedom to her children by observing their independence during the cruise. It was a moment when she understood that her children were growing up and starting to live their own lives, finding joy and freedom in their actions.
The realization that letting go could be a form of love came through the events on the cruise, where her children spent time apart from her but remained happy and confident. She learned to understand that sometimes stepping aside and allowing children to grow independently is not a loss but a form of care.
Taking a cruise
I’m planning to take a cruise with my family in the near future. I’ve never been on a cruise before, but I’ve seen so many people enjoying it in movies, and it looks fantastic. I’ve found MSC Cruises, which seems budget-friendly and relaxing. They offer 4-night Bahamas cruises from New York, and the ship serves Italian-inspired cuisine. The price is affordable, starting at $250-$300 per person for a 4-night cruise. For the 4-day cruise, we depart from New York on Day 1. On Day 2, we’ll spend the day enjoying the activities on board, such as music, the kid’s club, the spa, and family games. On Day 3, we’ll arrive in Nassau, Bahamas, and then sail back to New York on Day 4. It sounds like a relaxing and fun experience for the whole family. This is definitely on my bucket list for the future with my family.
Letting go. . .
Ai has always been very protective of her children because she wants to give them the happy, stable family life she never had. She grew up feeling abandoned so she worked really hard to ensure her kids would not experience that pain. Because of this, she spent a lot of time taking care of them, often controlling their lives, trying to keep them close, and making decisions for them.
However, on the cruise, Ai begins to notice that her children are growing up and becoming more independent. They no longer need the same kind of constant attention and control from her. Ai starts to understand that giving her children the freedom to live their own lives isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s healthy. It allows them to become who they are meant to be. She realizes that she doesn’t have to hold on so tightly. By letting go a little, she can still be close to them in a different, healthier way.
What I learn from this film is that families don’t have to be “together” all the time to be happy and strong. Sometimes, a little separation is needed for everyone to grow individually, while still being there for each other when it matters.
Taking a cruise
I have never taken a cruise and frankly speaking, this is not kind of activity I may be interested it. On the one hand, everything seem to be amazing. Many different activities are offered at the ship, but on the other hand, I would feel myself locked in the cage. I cannot be sure of course, as I have no experience with a cruise ship, but still the fact that I am on a ship and somewhere in the middle of the ocean does not make me feel free.
My typical vacation always looked more or less the same. I.e. during my vacation, I always used to spare some days just for laziness – lay on a beach, swim in the sea, have a cocktail, and repeat until you get tired. Also, some days were always spared for some activities, like parasailing, jet skiing, diving, and so.
Sometimes, I prefer to rent a car, a motorcycle, or an ATV (or some combination) and explore the region where I stay.
This is true freedom, and I don’t think that I can have similar emotions on a cruise ship. But who knows, maybe one day I will try and fall in love with this type of vacation.
Letting go. . .
As we learned from Jessie, this is a common practice, at least in China, when mothers see their ultimate goal is to take care of their children, as long as it is possible. At the same time, Bienvenido mentioned that, in his culture, the older family members, prefer their children to live at the same home, or at least nearby, as the parents want to be real heads of the family and try to control what their children do.
I think I can understand that it may be difficult for parents to admit the fact that the children are not kids anymore and need their own life. But some parents just can’t admit it. As the result, we may see grown-up children who are not prepared for life at all. Every decisions used to be made by their parents. Every problem used to be solved by the parents. Now when the children go out for life they are shocked and simply are not ready to make their own decisions.
Therefore, it may be nice if every parent finds a way not to be a tyrant and order giver, but a tutor, who may help but encourages the children to find their own way and solutions.
In other words, every parent has to admit that the children are not a property. Sooner or later you will have to see them apart. And even if you try to hold the children within, you most probably do more harm.
Letting go. . .
As another Asian mom, I love to live with my children when they are growing up. When they applied for college, I really liked that they chose to study at CUNY in NYC. I still remember how sad I was when my son told me: “Mom, I want to study in another state, I don’t want to live in NYC.”
I kept calm because I realized that my son was not a child any more, but he is becoming a man. I understand that I should be happy with his decision of living separately and independently.
I could not keep him in my hand. Let him go and be mature.
Being apart as a family is healthy, too.
In Asian families, there is a tradition of living together among 2 or even 3 generations. Gathering events are organized very often and very important to them. In the movies, AI, a Chinese woman, liked to build a happy family group for her children as she never had that for herself growing up. She could do anything for her children because she understood the importance of family. Taking the children on an Alaskan cruise would be a special event for her family as she thought that they could do everything together and be happy there.
However, during the cruise, the children were not always next to her, but joined the events they liked, and did their things. She was alone and felt lonely. The more she controlled them, the worse the situation was. Her son even reacted strongly with her behavior. She realized that she could not follow her children any more.
They had their own interests and hobbies. She learned to be separate from her children by participating in events, games for the adults in the cruise like karaoke, gambling etc. Although they were not together all the time, all of them were happy and loved each other. Sometimes being separate as a family is healthy too.
I went on a cruise with my parents in October 2014. It was a family trip that had been planned for two years with a travel company, and it cost around $850 per person. The cruise started in Cartagena, Colombia, and stopped at La Guaira, Venezuela, Panama, and toured the Caribbean, including Aruba and Curaçao. It lasted seven days and was all-inclusive.
The experience was amazing. The first thing I noticed was the golden staircases that made you feel like you were in a luxury hotel. The onboard times were fun, with many activities for all ages to enjoy together. The days we spent visiting the destinations went by very quickly. I was deeply impressed by the feeling of being in the middle of the ocean and experiencing its immense power.
Every night, we attended Broadway-style shows, which were very entertaining. Each evening, we also had themed dinners in the assigned restaurant, and there was a buffet on the 10th floor with impressive mountains of food.
Fortunately, our cabin was above sea level, which made seasickness almost nonexistent. Only once, during a night show, did I feel a bit dizzy and thought I might faint. One thing that really caught my attention was the long hours worked by the cruise staff. I spoke to some of them, and they seemed very tired. Although the pay was good, the work was very demanding.
At the time of the trip, I was going through a difficult emotional moment, so it became an opportunity to sort out my thoughts and make some decisions. In addition to being a family trip, it also became a chance to spend time with myself.
After seven days, I returned home with a few extra pounds but with incredible memories and the joy of having spent beautiful quality time with my family.
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As everyone knows, everything starts in childhood. My family was far from perfect. I didn’t receive enough attention and love during my most tender age. Naturally, this affected me in adulthood and my own family and my relationships with my children.
When I was younger I felt a sharp offense toward my mother and it burned me for years. Today my mother is a very elderly woman, now I have no complaints about her anymore.
She raised me the way she knew and did her best. In many ways, she was probably better than her own parents. I believe I am better than my mother, and my children are better than me. That thought fills me with joy and hope.
And I also remembered an episode when my son, after finishing school, went to study in a neighboring city. The first two months, every time I returned home and looked at my son’s stuff and cried.
It was so painful for me to realize that the time had come for him to separate.
It’s like we always wanted what we didn’t have. In some way we are trying to repair or improve our past. In this sense, all Ai wanted was a happy family group.
My father suffocated, so I will give my children freedom; or my mother doesn’t care about me, so I’ll take special care of my children. In general, we seek to give our children what we lack.
In this story, Ai is so focused on this purpose, but time never stops. Our children open their wings and fly. There is a phrase in the movie when the assistant told her “You don’t need your children to enjoy a sunrise”. This phrase for me represents a pause or a sign to think about herself again.
Letting go. . .
It’s happening right now. They are living their own lives and I’m a happy observer and adviser on what they need. This last time living in the US I’ve talked with them every day (with the three of them) and our relationship is healthy with plenty of anecdotes and daily news. They have dreams and have a beautiful future ahead of them.
Letting go. . .
When my son was growing up, I always wanted to help him and be involved in his life. But at some point, he stopped spending time with us, only traveling with us. My father, his grandfather, always supported him and was on his side. He told me: “Leave him alone, let him do his own thing, and everything will be fine.” I was worried, because it was a difficult teenage years. And at that time, happiness happened, like in the movie, my husband and I were expecting our second child. Everything worked out like in the song, I no longer had time to control my son and I left him to himself, which was good for both me and him. I was doing my own thing, my son became independent and solved complex problems and made decisions himself, consulting with us if he needed it. When my son got married, it was 2020, he and his wife lived separately from us and due to isolation during covid, we did not see each other for a long time. At our first meeting, he said: “we need to meet more often.” My husband and I were “jaw dropped” in surprise. My husband and I were happy. Our children often came to visit us and we talked and had a great time together, sometimes until midnight.
When I was growing up, at an older age, my parents were less controlling and gave me more freedom than I gave my son. I still don’t know why? Maybe in my case, because my son was the first child, and I was learning how to build a relationship with my own teenager. Or maybe all children are different. Either way, adults need to learn to let go of their children so they can live their own lives.
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From the webmaster: I’ve very much enjoyed reading your thoughts these last 3 weeks. Some of you write like a dream, and all of you (those who’ve written) are being “intensive” during the intensive, just by finding time to hit the ball back like a jaguar in terms of picking a couple of writing prompts to deal with up to 8 times. Last, Elaine is going to try (but may not succeed) to get inexpensive or free tickets to ENGLISH, voted the best play of 2023. I saw it yesterday, and since tickets are 2 for 1 for the next couple of weeks, I recommend you all SEE IT. Very roughly, it’s about a place like ESU and students at least a little like you guys!