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This Q&A: “How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
At the end of this video, Kabir said I am fine, and although he said this, I think this isn’t true because there were tears in his eyes, and this experience is extremely difficult for him. He was waiting for his parents in the United States for about ten years. It was very lonely for him.
People always say “I’m fine” in our life because we want to tell them, that although life is hard, we have to deal with everything in our life. It also means I never give up and keep trying to live a life that reassures our parents.
Separation in your life
I had an experience of separation from my parents for five years. That was a difficult experience for me because I was working in another city alone. During that time, I would chat online with my parents every day. With the passage of time, I learned to be strong and independent. After five years, I applied for a job in a city close to home. Then I was able to go home every weekend.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Why did the hero say that he was fine? I think there could be several explanations. First, he could use these words to describe the joy that he and his parents were together. Second, it’s hard to say anything else in response. Maybe he didn’t want to upset his parents. That’s why he answered simply, “I’m fine.”
But very often the phrase “I’m fine” has a very deep meaning – sadness, lack of time or unwillingness to continue the conversation. It all depends on who asks the question.
In America, even strangers often ask how you are. I answer, “I’m fine,” but with family, it turns into a long conversation.
Separation in your life
I am from Ukraine. In February 2022, the war began. It was very scary. Rocket attacks, air raids. My wife and children went abroad. For the first six months, we communicated very little. I was out of touch in the war zone. It was hard for me without my family. My family was hard without me. There is a 7-hour time difference between Kyiv and New York.
In Ukraine, there was often no communication and no electricity, but we found time to communicate online. I showed my children my photos and read them their favorite books that were left at our house. They told me how they were doing at school. where they had been, what they had seen.
After 1 1/2 years of separation, we met. How did I cope? It was hard. What helped me? Discipline, faith in our family and the hope of meeting. I don’t believe in motivation. I believe in discipline.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kunal Sah said: “I’m fine” because he thought he had nothing else to say. He didn’t want his parents to be worried about him. This wasn’t honest with his feeling. In fact he wasn’t fine. His goals were going to college and becoming a neurosurgeon, but his life was all about the hotel.
When we use “I’m fine,” it means everything is ok – just so so, not good or bad. In my opinion, we just don’t want to say anything, because we think no one will understand how we are feeling. So people use it often.
“I’m my own man now.”
“I’m my own man now” means he can do everything which he wants to do without anyone’s help, making his own decisions and not following others. The importance of “being your own man” is standing on personal growth, independence and having a strong compass. Yes, I’m my own person. I can decide where I live, work, or study without being influenced.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
One possible reason for replying “I’m fine” could be a desire not to worry his parents. He saw that these years had been difficult for the whole family. Another possibility is that they didn’t have a close family relationship, and he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him. The general phrase “I’m fine” is often used when a person doesn’t want to talk about themselves.
Separation in your life
When I was a child, my parents used to leave me at my grandparents’ place for the entire summer. There was no internet or mobile phones back then. I talked to my parents on the phone once a week at best. I still remember how much I missed them.
Now we have the ability to stay in touch with our parents and friends anytime, no matter the distance — and that really helps us cope with separation.
Separation in your life
As we learned, Kunal was separated from his parents for 10 1/2 years, and although it was extremely difficult for him, somehow he was able to cope with the challenges in his life. How did he do that?
I liked this question because, in one way or another, we are all far from home — far from our families.
When I used to work at sea as a sailor, the longest time I spent away from my family was nine months. It was a very strange feeling — staying in touch with your parents, but everything around them keeps changing. And when you finally come back, you feel out of place, like you no longer belong.
And now that I have moved here, I feel something very similar — but even heavier. It’s that deep realization that time and distance change us. We’ll never be exactly the same people we were back then.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
My answer is pretty simple, and in some ways, it’s similar to what I wrote for question five. Kabir’s mother will always be his mother — that connection never changes, but being separated for ten years is something you can’t really make up for, no matter how hard you try.
There are people who only need one long conversation a year to say everything, and that’s enough for them, but most of the time, rebuilding a connection takes more than that. It’s like a house — if your roof has been damaged and left unrepaired for ten years, even if you fix the roof, the walls might not be strong enough to hold it anymore.
That’s why sometimes, when someone asks “How are you?” and the answer is “I’m fine,” there’s nothing fine about it — it’s just a polite phrase that really means: Please don’t ask me anything more.
The article – the “real life” version
From the story, I was surprised by the following. I thought his parents owned only one hotel – Ramada (I thought that they sold Budget). But the story shows that they had several hotels — three or four. Two of them were in other states. It is clear that the uncle was more involved in the business. Maybe he even had his own hotels. The story doesn’t tell much about the uncle. It only says that he was rude to Kunal.
The things you cannot do
He had a childhood dream — to become a neurosurgeon, but I don’t think it was his real dream. He seemed more interested in the humanities. In the film and story, there is not any sign that he liked biology or medicine.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
I think in this situation he says “I’m fine” because he went through many events and painful experiences. At this moment, he doesn’t want to go through it again. And it’s not something you can explain in just a few words.
The article – the “real life” version
In the 2020 article, I learned that Kunal Sah became a hotel manager and that his story inspired an episode in an Apple TV series. I was surprised to learn that his story became so publicly recognized. I was also struck by the fact that, despite all the difficulties, he managed to achieve professional success and help others. I didn’t know that he worked with his family in the hotel industry. I was surprised by how strong he was to turn his pain into motivation.
The things you cannot do
Kunal’s uncle told him he couldn’t be a doctor, that he wasn’t good enough, and that he would never achieve anything in life. If I were in that situation, I would try to ask for help or talk to someone I trust. I believe no one should have to endure abuse. Once, someone told me I couldn’t pursue a personal goal because “it was too hard,” but I decided to keep going anyway. It was hard, but it was worth it.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kabir said “I’m fine” maybe because he didn’t know how to express what he was really feeling, or he didn’t want to worry his mother. I don’t think he was being completely honest. Deep down, he was probably sad, confused, or tired. Sometimes, when I say “I’m fine,” I’m really not; I just don’t want to explain how I feel. People say that because it’s easier than talking about complicated or painful things.
“I’m my own man now.”
When Kunal says “I’m my own man now,” he means that he no longer lets others tell him who he should be or what he can achieve. Being your own person is very important because it means you live according to your own values and decisions. I believe I am my own person because I try to make my own choices, even though other people’s opinions still affect me sometimes. I’m still learning to trust myself more.
Separation in your life
I experienced a difficult separation when I had to move to another country, far from my whole family. It was very painful at first – I felt lonely and confused. Over time, I learned to adapt and appreciate my family more. Calling them and writing to them helped me get through the distance. I learned that I’m stronger than I thought, and that family love doesn’t break because of distance. Yes, I changed. Now I value every moment with them much more.
“I’m my own man now.”
From my point of view Kunal talked about his family. He is sad that they can’t come back together like before. Their conversation is just about work and nothing at all.
Life isn’t easy. When I moved here, I needed to start over again. In my opinion to be my own man is very important because I often have to think and do everything by myself, but this has taught me to become a more careful and thoughtful person.
Separation in your life
The separation in my life is that I needed to be separated from my pets because ferrets are prohibited as pets in New York City. I had to leave them behind, so this was a difficult time for me, but I’m lucky that kind people adopted them. I believe that someday I will meet them again.
The article – the “real life” version
In this article, I found some new information:
1) Even though Kunal didn’t become a neurosurgeon, he did graduate with honors from the Wharton School of University of Pennsylvania with his Masters of Business Administration. Kunal’s father also changed the pursuing from a aviation engineering to a franchisee of Ramada. Just like Kunal said, life had other plans for him.
2) Kunal’s parents were more successful than I thought. They not only had the motel in Green River, Utah, but also had one in Charlotte, NC , and when they were forced to leave the U.S., they had established for uber-successful hotels. I can imagine how difficult Kunal was taking charge of all these hotels!
3) When Kunal turned 21, he sponsored his parents himself and it took about two years after that point. This is not what I thought previously – that he finally had gotten the help from one congressman or congresswoman. Also he got married!
The deportation order was so unfair, and such thing still happened in 2025, just like the Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia case. A Maryland man was wrongfully deported to EL Salvador last month…
4) There are more details about how Kunal was growing up in the hospitality industry and experiences that he’d like to share with the peers. This article updated more details about Kunal and his family story that made me feel more powerful to adapt to this new land.
Kunal always perseveres and continues on through the waves of life, and he can enjoy the difference in the daily life. I am not surprised that he has made his way to success.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kunal’s real life was absolutely tough and not fine. He was precocious as a child, was taking care of the hotel while studying and writing letters to congressmen and congresswomen – so many tasks! Although he gave up the goals of becoming a neurosurgeon , he still had reached new goals of being a successful hotel manager. He had learned a lot from his uneasy life and he felt strength to move on. So I think when he said, “It’s fine,” his feelings were complicated.
First Kunal didn’t want his mother to worry about him. Meanwhile he suffered and thought so much that he couldn’t tell the whole story in one time and didn’t know where to start to tell his story. Eventually he may think more about the future and have the confidence to make a better life.
In daily life, people often use “I’m fine.” It is mostly used in small talk answers, or maybe when you just don’t want to confide in others with more details. For me, sometimes I was getting through a difficult time, I had used it when my mother or my son asked me if I was ok. At that moment, I didn’t want my relatives to worry about me.
The things you cannot do
His uncle said he can’t be a doctor, Kunal was a kid in a vulnerable situation and this phrase caused a negative impact in his life because his uncle was the only relative he had at this time. Probably this affected his self-esteem. I really don’t know what I would have done in that situation. I think Kunal had to deal with a lot of things.
When I was around ten, I studied in a Catholic school and a few teachers didn’t let us play during our breaks. As a kid you want to play. Also they accused us as sinners and sometimes I felt bad because of that.
“I’m my own man now.”
When Kunal said “I’m my own man now,” I think he wanted to say that he is independent. He learned how to live being his own support and now he is strong enough.
I think it’s really important to be your own person because when you do it, you feel good and you know you can count on yourself and you have the responsibility for yourself but this is a good thing, you feel empowered and satisfied.
I believe I’m on my way to be my own person because I am a self-sufficient woman, I assume my responsibilities. I learned about my challenges, but I have dreams that are not yet fulfilled.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Usually I use “I’m fine” just to comfort my family members or friends. I hope that they don’t worry about me. Sometimes, I just try to brush them off, because I don’t want to share my feelings or I think they can’t understand me in that situation.
In the video, when Kabir answered “I’m fine,” I think it was not his honest feeling. He lost his childhood dreams, he couldn’t go to Harvard University and become a neurosurgeon. He was angry about the unfair deportation and helplessness. He suffered from the longtime separation from his parents when he was a teenager.
But, when we get mature, we will find that everyone has his own troubles, we can’t let our problems burden us. We must be optimistic and move forward, forgetting pain, hurt and suffering.
As Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
Separation in your life
In my life, I had two separations with my family: permanent death and temporary separation.
When I was seventeen years old, my father died of heart disease, and left his mother, his wife and four sons. It was very difficult. Fortunately, I have a persevering and resilient mother. She always teaches me how to never give up. I looked for some part-time jobs during my university years. Everything took a turn for the better after I graduated.
When my son was 13 years old, I encouraged him to go to middle school in Singapore. Then he went to a university in America. Maybe we didn’t have enough time to accompany him, but I thought he could grow up with another international way.
From these experiences, I learned the meaning from Confucius : “士不可不弘毅，任重而道远。”
(“One must stay perseverant: the burden is heavy, and the road ahead is long. Never give up.”)
The Pain of Separation
Since the discovery of America, millions of people have come here, hoping for a better life. In the past, immigrants faced hunger, diseases, and hard conditions, but they did not have to deal with the kind of bureaucracy that exists today. Now immigrants face different struggles: being separated from their families, an imperfect system, and the constant fear of losing everything they have built.
Many immigrants today live far away from their loved ones. Sometimes, even after many years together in the United States, families are broken apart when one person is deported. I recently watched a news story about people who were separated after living together for thirty years. It touched me deeply. It is painful to see that even in a country known for its freedom and opportunities, such unfair situations can still happen.
Separation creates a pain that does not heal quickly. It is very hard to live with, but over time, people find ways to move forward. I have learned that real strength means not giving up, even when life feels unfair. This experience changes a person deeply. It teaches you to always value every moment you have with your loved ones.
My Story
When I first left my family to study in another country, I sometimes did not see my parents or anyone from home for one year or even two years. It was very hard, but I always had a small hope inside me. I needed to wait a long time, but later I could meet them again. Every time I said goodbye, I told myself, “We will meet again soon.”
The years went by, and I became an adult. I started seeing my family more often. It made me feel happier, like I found an important part of myself again, but sometimes life changes very fast. Right before I moved to America, my mother died suddenly. I said the same words to her, “We will meet again,” and tried to believe it, even though my heart was broken.
The immigration process has been very long and hard. I had to fill out many papers and wait many years. The system did not feel friendly. Now I do not have close family outside the United States. I only have some friends and people I used to know. Being far from family became more than just distance. It became a real loss.
Many immigrants have stories like this. If you listen carefully, you can understand how heavy it feels.
The article – the “real life” version
Yes, I surprised me, because, I have never had any problem about that is my life and it is my first time hearing something like this!
The things you cannot do
Kunal’s uncle told him that he was not sure of anything in life and that he was not going to become a doctor, which is what he wanted!. If I were in that situation, I would talk to that person. I had one situation similar with my aunt. She wanted to ban things that I truly liked, and that are good for my future, and we sat down and talked like two adults.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kabir said that because he didn’t want to worry them, but I think he lied. He was not well. He had important goals, but he also really liked spelling. “I’m fine” really means you are hiding the fact that you are sick so as not to worry the other person. People use it so often to hide what they truly feel.
“I’m my own man now.”
He becomes an independent person. It is important because this way you can be prepared to face life. I am not yet my own person because I’m young yet. My life has been easy so far.
Separation in your life
My parents’ separation was a little difficult for me, but not so much because I was little. And I literally know that they separated for the good of both them and their children, but it was something that time made me understand that not everything in life is rosy. There are always difficult moments.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kabir said he was fine at a moment when he wasn’t actually feeling fine. In my opinion, this is something strong people do – they stay true to themselves, their values, and their belief in the future, even during hard times with that word. Kabir made a promise to himself that things would get better. It shows that he was fighting for himself and for his future. If he hadn’t thought this way, he would most likely have given up and been unable to move forward. That is why his attitude and those simple words were very admirable.
“I’m my own man now.”
When Kunal writes “I’m my own man now,” he means that he has taken control of his own life and is no longer living under someone else’s rules or expectations. He is free to follow his own dreams and make his own choices. As for me, I consider myself an independent person because I make my own decisions and stay true to my values. I do what I believe is right, even when it is difficult. I don’t let others control my dreams and plans.
Reading Kunal’s story and watching the video, I felt a weight and tears welled up in my eyes. I felt so sorry for this young man. It seemed like the whole world was against him: the US Citizenship and Immigration Services, the government, the President, Mrs. Bush’s office, the lawyers, the police, his guardian uncle, the school. . . Apparently, he couldn’t even forgive his parents for the hardships of his life. This is understandable, because he did not have an easy life after they left, but he worked hard.
And I can’t even imagine myself in a situation like Kunal when I was 12 years old! In the end of his story he writes “That hurts.”
The story of Kunal published in the hotel magazine is very optimistic.
It has been 4 years since his parents returned to the US, if I am not mistaken. Although Kunal still calls his 11 years of life “nightmarish, harrowing, horrific.” he also calls them “a practical exam” and “lessons.” “Besides,” he says, “I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.”
From this article, I learned that Kunal got married and graduated summa cum laude from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania with his Masters of Business Administration. . . Apparently, he repaired his relationship with his parents. He said this: “We can’t be happier with where we are today.” I am very happy for the whole family. And I am very happy for Kunal because he was able to move from the position of a victim to the position of a winner!
This story about Kunal touched my heart deeply because I am currently separated from my children for 2 years. And although they are already adults, and we often call each other – it is hard.
Based on my experiences, I understand what Kunal’s mother felt when she was separated from her son, but I did not fully understand what my children felt. Kunal’s story helped me understand this. I pray that our separation will help my children become stronger too.
“I’m my own man now.”
I think Kunal means he is independent and can control his own life. It is very important to be your own person, because it means you can make your choice based on what you really want, not just what others hope you do.
Absolutely, I am becoming my own person. I have made some big decisions recently, like deciding to go to a new country and considering my career path.
Separation in your life
I was separated from my parents and friends when I studied abroad in Taiwan during my years at the university. It was the first time I had lived away from them for a long period. There weren’t any difficulties for me, especially since I could speak a similar language, but the hardest part was that I felt lonely sometimes. I would try to study all the time in the library, which made me forget my loneliness. This experience taught me that when you feel something terrible, you should find something useful, and do it immediately and attentively.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
Kabir might have said this to avoid worrying his mother or because he doesn’t want to show his true feelings. Often, “I’m fine” is a way of saying that everything seems normal, even if it’s not always true. People use it to avoid deeper conversations or because they don’t want to share their struggles. It can be a way to protect themselves or others.
“I’m my own man now.”
Kunal means he’s now in control of his choices and passions. Yes, it’s important to be in control of your own interests in order to be fulfilled and independent. Being a whole person means being autonomous and true to yourself.
Separation
Being separated from parents, siblings, family, and friends will always be difficult. In my case, I lost my job due to the pandemic, and in my field, it was difficult to find work. The situation in my country was also complex. I had more family in this country. I was also at an age where I was no longer a child or teenager.
I knew I wanted to try new things and live new experiences. For this reason, I moved. It’s been good days, bad
days, and normal days here, just like life itself. I can say I’ve matured. I’ve become independent, gotten ahead, and met incredible people. I don’t regret my trip.
If anything surprised me, it was the boy’s ability to behave like an adult on various occasions, especially when he was driving and managing his parent’s hotel. I think, for his age, he knew how to handle difficult moments appropriately.
I am fine
He said he was fine, but the truth is, he felt lonely. I think everyone tries to tell their parents they are okay, even if they aren’t, so they don’t worry about them since they live far away.
The things you cannot do
Kunal Sah was a kid when his parents had to go back to India. When you are a kid, you need to have a person who teaches you how to become the best person you can be. It was so different when his father told him “You can do whatever you want if you really try it”, in comparison with his uncle who is not interested in him and used to tell him, “Why do you want to do this if there is no possibility to get something?”
When I decided to study my first master’s degree, the advisor in the business school was asking me how I supposed I would pay the cost if we -my family and I – do not have enough money to do it (actually, he did it for one year). I told him “I have no idea now, but we will do it!!”
One week before starting the program he asked me again and I told him “It does not matter to you. I have talked with my family, and we have a plan”.
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
I think a short answer means more than it looks like. He was tired, his family was tired. When you try your best for years, you want to get results… you are not working to waste your time, it is because you have a plan or a dream. However, life is special and sometimes it works in a different way than we expected. He was fine, but emotionally he needed to take a rest. Of course he was happy, but after too many years of facing bad situations, you only need to be at peace for a moment.
Maybe he knows that the real meaning of being reunited as a family was to make a new plan for his life. “What should I do now?”
“How is your life?” . . . “It’s fine.”
I think he just didn’t upset his mom and said, “It’s fine.” I don’t think he was honest in describing his feelings. Also, his plans and dreams have not yet been realized. He hardly dreamed that he would be kicked out of school and sent to another family for several years.
On the one hand, our main character is happy, on the other hand, he has been living on his own for so long, taking care of himself, that it is difficult for him now to realize that he is not alone. I was very pleased to learn that he was able to complete his education, albeit late, and continues to work in the hotel business.
I remember this rhyme couplet in a magazine my mother read every week when I was little. It went as follows:
Don’t tell your friend about your indigestion.
“How are you?” is a greeting – and not a question!